Author Topic: Falling over! The funny ones please!  (Read 923 times)

gunwharfman

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Falling over! The funny ones please!
« on: 14:08:55, 29/03/20 »
On the Pennine Journey, I had to cross a field with a stream through it. I crossed the stream and then realised I was now on the wrong side so I had to re-cross. The field was full of cows. The stream has earth banks and I saw a rock to put my foot on to descend to the water, about 3' below. The rock immediately gave way and I fell onto my side into the water which full of cows mess as well. One second I was upright, the next I was wet through, covered in slime and very smelly!

It was a hot summer day and there was no one around, just me and the cows, but thankfully they were wandering away from me just munching grass. I climbed out thinking what do I do now? The water was full of cows mess all around me. In the end, I followed the water upwards to the edge of the field, climbed over a fence and came to clear water on the other side, no cows in this field. I stripped off and spent a fair bit of time washing and washing my tops and trousers, underwear, etc, etc. I also had to empty my rucksack and clean that as well. What a mess!

The wash and tidy up took me about two hours, I also had to wash myself from head to toe, just had that overwhelming desire to be clean. Once done I laid out every item of clothing on the grass to dry. I was just wandering around in my underwear, but I didn't see anybody which was very pleasing to me at the time. I then set up my inner tent, (mostly mesh) blew up my mattress and slept well for ages. When I awoke most of my clothes were now dry. I dressed, repacked everything and then hiked on. The next day I washed everything again, just to be sure that everything was really clean.


archaeoroutes

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #1 on: 18:01:28, 29/03/20 »
Probably my funniest was during a rehearsal for a Remembrance Parade, I was in the second rank of officers at the head of a few hundred other ranks. During an eyes-right, the colonel in front of me did a slight shufty to the left, which confused me until I went head-over-heals over a temporary bollard in the middle of the road. Luckily I didn't skewer anyone.
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fernman

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #2 on: 18:14:16, 29/03/20 »
Grrr, I got logged out while I was writing this, now I must do it all over again.

I was approaching the Carneddau from the east on a barely-used-if-ever path that disappeared in an overgrown meadow with an inpenetrable thicket at its end. My map showed a single track lane to one side of me but it was above a very steep bank on the far side of the meadow.

It was a long haul up the bank using hands as well as feet and about threequarters of the way up I used a big lump of ground as a foothold. Unfortunately it turned out to be a rotten tree stump that gave way beneath me and I tumbled all of the way back down to where I had started.

Gritting my teeth, I dusted myself down and had another go, and this time I successfully reached a wire fence beside the lane at the top. Now I have very long legs and I can usually straddle such fences without getting a high-pitched squeaky voice, but this one was too high, it could only be climbed. As I was getting my trailing leg over the top and reaching down for a foothold, the fence suddenly buckled and I found myself in a tangled heap on the laneside verge.

With nothing more damaged than my pride, I straightened myself up, mightily glad that I didn't have an audience. But as I was setting off I suddenly spotted my compact camera laying half hidden in the vegetation on the other side of the fence. It had fallen out of the pouch on my hip belt, and I was about to walk off and leave it there.

ninthace

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #3 on: 18:20:38, 29/03/20 »
Cast your mind back to the halcyon days of childhood when summers were long and the sun always shone without causing a hosepipe ban.  We used to go camping with the Camping Club (Beds Herts and Bucks DA if you are interested) and to pass the time and amuse the children, there would sometimes be an improvised sports day.
The event was the wheel barrow race,  I was the wheelbarrow, my then girlfriend was the pusher (she was a big lass for 10 or 11).  We set off at a fantastic pace, well in the lead, the crowd were on their feet, when suddenly, I found she could run faster than my hands could paddle.  Fortunately, a large and only lightly crusted cow pat saved my chest from a severe scraping along the grass.
IIRC, mum wasn't too happy, that was my last shirt, there are no showers in a farmer's field and it was going to be a long drive home.  Worse - we lost.
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Ridge

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #4 on: 18:23:40, 29/03/20 »
I've told this one on the forum before.


Walking through the fields below Sale Fell, Cumbria, the ground was quite steep and I was going at a fair lick. Suddenly my boot caught on the end of a short, stout stick hidden in the grass. The other end of the stick caught in the ground and I was catapulted through the air. My arms and walking poles became tangled and I landed forehead first fortunately on nothing more solid than grass and sheep poo.
I had my son to witness this and apparently it was quite dramatic, he was worried enough to not laugh until he had checked I was OK.

Percy

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #5 on: 18:37:39, 29/03/20 »
Coming down off Wansfell towards Troutbeck there’s a grassy lane between two walls.


During a particularly wet spell I slipped coming down here and slid about 30 feet on my back - the mud was from my boots to my hair.


When I got to the Mortal Man for a pint they made me sit on a bin liner.
« Last Edit: 20:51:27, 29/03/20 by Percy »

gunwharfman

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #6 on: 19:43:40, 29/03/20 »
The one where everyone groaned out loud! I was on a campsite in Champex in Switzerland a few years ago and it was the evening of the World Cup final. The campsite owner had bought out his large TV and placed it on a table just outside the camp cafe open-air area so that everyone could watch. The site was packed, the weather was near perfect and I had met up with a few people and we were boozing the night away! We all sat on a wooden combined 6 seater table and bench, loads of other people around us and a young Greman man on my table volunteered to go to the bar and bring us all back new drinks. On the way back, with 6 LARGE glasses of beer on a tray, balanced on his right hand/arm, he looked the professional waiter but he then caught his foot on the corner of another bench and down he went like a sack of potatoes, tray and drinks went everywhere! Immediately all of our heads went into our hands and I think most of us wailed in despair! He was so upset so we all had a bonding session with him to reassure him that everything was OK. A really great European evening and being Switzerland a costly one as well!

Yorci

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #7 on: 20:03:02, 29/03/20 »
During a remembrance Sunday parade in Edinburgh circa 1983-ish, we were marching along the Royal Mile, when a female sergeant major shouted to the male sergeant major at the front of the parade. Asking him to slow the pace down as her girls 'can only take 28 inches'. To compound the issue, it was televised on the BBC capturing the words clearly. A mans pace is 30 inches, whereas the women's pace is 28 inches, mainly due to being restricted by their skirts.
I still laugh at it today.
 
 
There was another embarrassing occasion back in 2015 at the end of Summer, when I was trying to show my new girlfriend my path finding skills - being ex-army, and all that. I was taking her up Scarfell from Boot, there had been quite a bit of rain over the previous days. We crossed the footbridge just past Burnmoor Tarn. I was explaining that pathways can be deceptive and care should be taken even on what was a hot day. Only to sink right up to my jewels in peat bog.
 
 
 
Embarrassed, not at all! :-[
 
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fernman

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #8 on: 20:07:06, 29/03/20 »
I had my son to witness this and apparently it was quite dramatic, he was worried enough to not laugh until he had checked I was OK.

Unlike my wife just a few weeks back, when I launched myself into space from the second stair up in the dark, thinking I was at the bottom, and dived head first along the hall floor till my head made sharp contact with the front door. The first thing she said was, "I hope you haven't damaged the door!"

ninthace

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #9 on: 20:08:42, 29/03/20 »
During a remembrance Sunday parade in Edinburgh circa 1983-ish, we were marching along the Royal Mile, when a female sergeant major shouted to the male sergeant major at the front of the parade. Asking him to slow the pace down as her girls 'can only take 28 inches'. To compound the issue, it was televised on the BBC capturing the words clearly. A mans pace is 30 inches, whereas the women's pace is 28 inches, mainly due to being restricted by their skirts.
I still laugh at it today.
 
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fernman

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #10 on: 20:21:41, 29/03/20 »
And another one!

I once had a job in an engineering workshop on an industrial estate. At lunchtime a small group of us used to walk to a neighbouring factory and use their canteen. One day we had sat down at a table with our food when I noticed one of us was missing.
"Where's Ray got to?" I asked.
"I don't know," someone replied, puzzled, "he was around a moment ago."
Just then two hands appeared gripping the edge of the table, followed by Ray's head as he hauled himself up from the floor where no-one had noticed him. He had slipped over on a bit of potato.
He was a guy with a comical-looking face, and every time I saw him over the next few days I would start laughing all over again. Sorry, Ray!

Islandplodder

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #11 on: 10:03:47, 30/03/20 »
Not sure if this is allowed, as it's a cycling one.  Last year I was cycling along and met a neighbour repairing his fence and stopped to chat.  So I was standing, astride my bike, on the edge of a single track road.  After a couple of minutes he warned  that a lorry was coming up behind me, and I tried to shuffle forward a yard or so to a place it could get past without flattening me.  Unfortunately, my left foot hit nothingness and the bike and I keeled over sideways into the ditch, abruptly disappearing from view.To their eternal credit both the neighbour and the driver (inevitably I knew him as well) were perfect gentlemen and managed not to laugh until I had extricated myself and removed the worst of the ditch debris.  Once I was out of sight though.....

gunwharfman

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #12 on: 10:17:16, 30/03/20 »
Yorci, that's what my clothes looked like, only worse and shoulders to toes as well! My clothing changed colour because of cow [censored] mainly!

Slogger

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #13 on: 13:50:11, 30/03/20 »
Whilst leading a group of ladies from our club on their National 3 Peaks Challenge, we ascended ben nevis. At the summit I told them that we would have a trot on the descent, but at any small vertical steps, to becareful and walk as we didn't want anyone falling.Lower down where you cross a couple of short metal bridges over a couple of burns, we had just crossed the second one. Suddenly I tripped and was going over the side to the left. I had no idea how high this short vertical section was, only thing that passed through my mind was "I wonder what this is going to be like"!All in a flashing second I noticed some big ferns sticking out of the ground as I flew over and just before my feet left the ground, I managed a lurching dive towards them, grabbing with both hands. Next thing I had landed facing out looking steeply down with the ferns still in my hands. I could see walkers on the last of the zig zags below looking up with their head in their hands. I turned and looked up to see the ladies peering down likewise shouting if i was ok. A sheer 25ft vertical rock wall seperating up which I had totally cleared. I was unhurt and managed to traverse along the steep ground until i could climb out and regain the path. We ran down to the Youth Hostel and I wondered what they were giggling about, I found that I had the remains of the ferns, a clump of earth still attached to the top of my head. We went on to complete in 20 hrs 26 mins.

clyoung

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Re: Falling over! The funny ones please!
« Reply #14 on: 23:03:41, 31/03/20 »
See my answer to the "Have you ever embarrassed yourself while hiking" thread.

 

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