Walking Forum

Main Boards => General Walking Discussion => Topic started by: Nomad32 on 12:22:06, 05/07/18

Title: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Nomad32 on 12:22:06, 05/07/18
I went for a stomp over the roaches in the peaks last weekend and came back more angry and frustrated than I was when I went away. Guy I was walking with kept making decisions on which way to go even tho I had the map and knew where we needed to be. He annoyed me that much I nearly left him in the field. You can't do that to a mate but he shot himself in the foot because I won't be taking him again.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: fit old bird on 12:42:06, 05/07/18
He might have been pleased and flattered that you asked him to go with you, and wanted to be helpful. Maybe he likes to feel he is being useful. He might be more used to giving orders, than taking them, does he have responsibility in his job. Did you discuss who would be leading before you started out.


Don't get annoyed with the foibles of others, everyone is different. Maybe just have a drink in a pub with him from now on, talk football or whatever subject you are both interested in. Maybe walk alone, no one to get annoyed with except yourself. Calm down, and breath.  :-*


ilona
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Nomad32 on 13:54:55, 05/07/18
He might have been pleased and flattered that you asked him to go with you, and wanted to be helpful. Maybe he likes to feel he is being useful. He might be more used to giving orders, than taking them, does he have responsibility in his job. Did you discuss who would be leading before you started out.



Don't get annoyed with the foibles of others, everyone is different. Maybe just have a drink in a pub with him from now on, talk football or whatever subject you are both interested in. Maybe walk alone, no one to get annoyed with except yourself. Calm down, and breath.  :-*



He has done lots of walking.
He thought he knew better than me.
It's the first walk we have done together.
I had been tracking our progress and found a rout which would take us past a pub and had good potential for a wild camp spot but he wanted to walk back towards the van. Baring in mind we still had a good 5 hours of walking left on the Saturday and on the sunday I had it planned we would do a last hoorah on a tor then be back at the van for 3pm but no we walked back to the first camp spot and it just frustrated me.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: jimbob on 14:17:44, 05/07/18
Ah even more reinforcement as to why I prefer and actually enjoy walking on my own.
I don't mind walking a few miles with a fellow walker who happens to be going on the same walk, but sooner or later I make my excuses sit down to take a break and let them wander on. I'm not unsociable, I just miss too much of the view talking to others. I certainly wouldn't go on a long walk starting off on a planned day with others, except for the local ramblers club which to me is a different type of mindset.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: richardh1905 on 14:26:45, 05/07/18

I've certainly done most of my hard walking on my own, but there have been exceptions, and if you find a like minded companion, sharing the experience can add to the pleasure - especially if a pub is involved!


Finding a like minded companion is the key!
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: fit old bird on 15:01:46, 05/07/18
So, not enough discussion before the walk started then. Did you sit down with a map together, go over the route? Did you make it clear from the beginning that you had already worked out the route and he was welcome to come along? Maybe two people who have similar levels of walking experience is a bit too competitive, one will have to give way to the other. Better luck next time.


ilona
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Nomad32 on 16:08:59, 05/07/18
So, not enough discussion before the walk started then. Did you sit down with a map together, go over the route? Did you make it clear from the beginning that you had already worked out the route and he was welcome to come along? Maybe two people who have similar levels of walking experience is a bit too competitive, one will have to give way to the other. Better luck next time.


ilona
We planned the route together and even discussed our options on route but he just kept changing the plan. Next time I'm going alone. I only took him along for my lady's sake so she didn't worry too much. It's probably true that two competent walkers with their own ideas can't do a walk together. We just bickered the whole time.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: gunwharfman on 18:18:28, 05/07/18
One of the reasons why I prefer to hike alone. Plus, it can be annoying when one walks faster or slower than the other, or when one gets up early and the other gets up late. When one doesn't have breakfast first thing and the other won't move without a 'full English'. I find it better to meet people en route, walk with them a while maybe, then be alone again.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Nomad32 on 18:22:20, 05/07/18
True enough. I'm going round the trespassers route to kinder scout next weekend on my own. Can't wait. 😁
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: sussamb on 18:26:07, 05/07/18
That's troubling as I've just agreed that a friend can join me when I do the C2C next June.  Normally walk on my own so this will be a first for me, my advantage that even though he's a walker I'm in charge of the route,  navigation, booking accommodation etc.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Slogger on 20:04:24, 05/07/18
I had a problem with several years ago with a guy whom I had doine many day walks with, even a few weekends.
Walked Offa's Dyke over 11 days. Fine at first until we were accompanied by another guy and his dog. The talk almost all day and in the pub in the evening was dog orriented. That accompanied by the fact that he was annoyed if the b&b only had a shower instead of a bath, preffered the double bed if there was one, and many lore annoying little attitudes.
Next walk (he had to give his wife at least 2 years notice) was WHW, can't be as bad as last time I thought. Wrong, he was really wierd. At one point when he'd delayed us chatting to another couple far too long and it being obvious they wanted to be on their own, but he oblivious to this, I carried on, on my own for a couple of mile. When he caught he announced that he din't need to talk to me during the day when there were other as  he could talk to me anytime! With that i was going to part compant with him but the opportunity never really arrived. I did walk the last section to include Ben Nevis on my own (he thought that idea was ludicrous) and have to say that was by far the most relaxing and best day of the entire route!
We haven't walked together since.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Dovegirl on 20:43:37, 05/07/18
I've enjoyed the few occasions when I've walked with one or two others but I think it's more about enjoying their company than about the walk itself.  I don't mind falling in with their plans but I love the freedom of solo walking and I'd feel restricted if I usually walked with others.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Hillhiker1 on 20:57:36, 05/07/18

I generally prefer to walk alone, but occasionally a mate may tag along, but I'm very selective as to which particular mates.
Usually their attitude is that they're tagging along on 'my' route. I'll outline the route to them and if they still want to come, they can. If they want to divert from the route they can. I may or may not divert with them.


However there's one particular mate I just can't walk with as we have totally different 'wants' from the day. For example he wants to rush round and be in the pub by lunchtime, whereas I want to take all day and might do a bit of caching or photography on the way round. We're still great mates but we don't walk together.


These days though my eldest cherub comes with me, and she's just about ideal. I like her company, she'll go wherever I say without complaint, and she's usually about 200 yards behind me so it's like walking alone anyway!! ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Ronin83 on 21:43:36, 05/07/18
I think sometimes the fear of saying something is worse than just saying it. If someone is annoying you, tell them there and then. It will come out a lot better than if you let it build up.


Personally I walk with the missus and/or friends. We usually kind of take turns planning a route. This is one day routes normally tho.
It's strange, I like to do a lot of things by myself and prefer sports which are you fighting yourself, but with walking I like it with others. Its really about doing it together rather than competing.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Nomad32 on 21:48:13, 05/07/18
I take my lady with me most of the time but she has hurt her ankle so can't come for a while. I took him because he is a mate and usually we get on fine. He annoyed me and we bickered the whole way. I have never went on my own before so am planning kinder scout next weekend on my lonesome. The way I saw it it was safety in numbers. Say one of us slipped an injured ourselves and didn't have phone battery/signal. One could take a map ref and hike out to the nearest settlement.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Hillhiker1 on 22:06:41, 05/07/18
I often think in the Lakes, PD,  Snowdonia etc you're alone.. But you're not. Sit down and wait 10 minutes. You'll usually find it's actually very busy..
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: richardh1905 on 23:25:32, 05/07/18

... The way I saw it it was safety in numbers. Say one of us slipped an injured ourselves and didn't have phone battery/signal. One could take a map ref and hike out to the nearest settlement.


I worried about that when I was younger (a lot younger), having had it drummed into me that it was unsafe to go hillwalking alone unless you were 'experienced', but I found going on my first solo walk in the mountains to be a liberating and confidence building experience, and I haven't looked back; still embarking upon solo adventures 34 years later  :)

Sure, accidents can happen, but as long as you equip yourself properly, know your limitations and leave details of your planned route with someone, you are unlikely to come to grief.






Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Ridge on 01:50:30, 06/07/18
Sure, accidents can happen, but as long as you equip yourself properly, know your limitations and leave details of your planned route with someone, you are unlikely to come to grief.
and in most popular places (Lakes, Dales, Peaks) you'll be very lucky to go for half an hour without seeing someone.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: staggerindragon on 04:50:17, 06/07/18
So much evidence for my long-held theory that it's much harder to find a good walking partner than a good marriage partner.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Jac on 08:27:33, 06/07/18
So much evidence for my long-held theory that it's much harder to find a good walking partner than a good marriage partner.

Now there I have to differ :(
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: ninthace on 09:48:09, 06/07/18
So much evidence for my long-held theory that it's much harder to find a good walking partner than a good marriage partner.


I married mine, 45 years together next month. Mind you she still doesn’t like going up hill but that balances out because I don’t like going down hill much these days. We are both still good at the bits in between though.


On a serious note, because we know each other so well, we can plan walks that suit both of us which leads to a more companionable outing. Also, she trusts me to navigate so there are no arguments on that score.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Nomad32 on 10:42:09, 06/07/18

I married mine, 45 years together next month. Mind you she still doesn’t like going up hill but that balances out because I don’t like going down hill much these days. We are both still good at the bits in between though.



On a serious note, because we know each other so well, we can plan walks that suit both of us which leads to a more companionable outing. Also, she trusts me to navigate so there are no arguments on that score.


There is no problem when I take my fiancee. She trusts me to plan the walk and read the map. We love our weekends away.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: pleb on 10:49:05, 06/07/18
All my walks this year so far have been solo.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Islandplodder on 11:21:45, 06/07/18

Don't write off all walking companions because of one (or even two) bad experiences.  There are friends you can walk with and friends you can't.
My sticking points are:  that we both like to set off early, that we walk at similar speeds and are comfortable with similar distances, and that we can discuss differences of opinion on navigation until we come to an agreement.  I sometimes walk with my brother who is always convinced that he knows the way, and is almost always wrong.  Over the years I have managed to convince even a big brother that the map is right!   
In the end, if you have real differences, probably the only thing to do is to stand your ground and say that you want to continue on the planned route and you'll meet them later at the pub/campsite or whatever.  That usually brings people round, and if it doesn't you'll have a peaceful walk for the rest of the day, so it's win-win!
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: staggerindragon on 02:40:59, 07/07/18
Awww  :smitten:


That's great to hear, Jac and Ninthace!
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Doddy on 18:26:56, 09/07/18

He travels fastest who travels alone. Rudyard Kipling.
I am reading "Grit is a four letter word" by Ann Gimpel. One of the many good things she says is"Never to walk with someone you cannot trust" this after leaving the choice of tent to a colleague and they had cold nights with the wrong gear.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: dittzzy on 00:21:54, 10/07/18
 
So much evidence for my long-held theory that it's much harder to find a good walking partner than a good marriage partner.
My favourite walking partner is my hubby, we get along just perfect.   Sometimes the route is mine, sometimes his.  Sometimes I map read, sometimes he does, sometimes I correct him.   ;D ;D
Only time I've been out walking with anyone "uncooperative" was when I joined a meet in the Lakes where I knew the others were fitter and faster than me, but they told me that it didn't matter that I walked slowly, it would be fine.  I just couldn't keep up with them, and they weren't slowing down because of me.  I told them to go on without me and they did.   Lesson learnt!
I've been out walking with quite a few other members of this forum, and they have all been excellent companions, as have the few friends that I have taken out with me.  (Although a couple haven't joined me for second go........ perhaps I'm the uncooperative one??  ??? )
I suppose it's down to establishing the expectations at the beginning of the walk.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: BuzyG on 01:08:50, 10/07/18
Not a issue I have had to deal with.  Walking in a large group I'm very happy to mingle and let someone else do the thinking.  But If I have gone to the trouble of planning a walk and lead it, then I expect other participants to respect my desirous as long, as they are reasonable.  People will always try to help out, as they see it.  The trick is to go with the flow, but be clear that you are leading and it's not a comitee meeting.


 I recall being asked to lead a walk at short notice, in an area I had not waked before. I arrived early and actually drove the first few miles and recede the footpath off the road up on to the moor.  At the brief I joked that I had no idea where we were headed but assured everyone I would get them home for supper.  The trick then, was to confidently lead the group off in the right direction and up on to the moor, as if I lived down the lane.  During the walk I soon worked out who had local knowledge and used a few simple jestures here and there to check they were happy we where taking the right gate and such like.  There was one minor mutiny that few spotted.  I kind of forgot lunch as I hadn't planned the route. A couple of the ladies asked where we were stopping.  I suggested a tor a mile or so further on and they basically stopped where we were.  Quick as a flash I anounced this was the lunch spot.  Turns out where I had in mind was windy and I made a point of thanking the two mutineers.  Any way hope you find that tale usefull., Or at least amusing.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Hazy81 on 12:56:59, 10/07/18
I feel your pain.
The exact same thing happened to me when walking Hadrians Wall, annoyed me so much we quit half way and caught a bus back to Wallsend! Didn't want to talk to other hikers, didn't want to go to the pub in the evenings etc, I thought I knew him better but turns out he was pretty antisocial.


Guess you get to know someone properly when you spend 24 hrs a day with them for a few days
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Doddy on 14:42:13, 10/07/18

I walk solo on multi day/week walks and wild camp nearly all the time, sometimes I take a while to choose a pitch, choosing with another person might take forever with the extra space required unless you split up for the night; which I have done when someone tagged along with me.
Tagging along with someone, or when joined with you, can be beneficial to you both in poor weather or at height.
I join a group on day walks. I think the issue might be that they are not all friends but walking friends there is a difference; you may well not have anything in common other than walking. Add in avoiding discussing religion, politics and lifestyle- to which there is no end. Then add in varying navigation skills, technology and that the group is made up of high achievers who supervise people during the week then adherence to the walk leaders instructions are not going to be accepted or with grumpiness if it is.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Nomad32 on 15:42:38, 10/07/18
The thing about it Is me and him have been mates for over ten years. We usually get on great. I think the problem was neither of us wanted the other to take the lead so when it came to any decisions about what to do next it was an argument.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: tonyk on 17:15:45, 10/07/18
The thing about it Is me and him have been mates for over ten years. We usually get on great. I think the problem was neither of us wanted the other to take the lead so when it came to any decisions about what to do next it was an argument.
Best to put it behind you and move on.Life is too short to fall out over such a trivial matter.
Title: Re: Uncooperative walking companion
Post by: Doddy on 18:12:36, 10/07/18
I know a little of this from personal experience; I understand that women deal with these things differently and they would discuss together the situation much earlier than men do; i.e if there is problem have it out with them. Accepting there is a problem is halfway to solving it.