tldr:
40 year old guy has been extremely self-destructive for many years causing a huge body weight explosion of morbid obese proportions, suddenly regaining control, happiness and purpose, which has lead him to reach out to other people passionate about walking and their health for friendship and mutual respect.
hello
so, let me begin by saying that i find writing anything like this difficult but i will try here this time because ive started falling in love with walking and i know i have a lot to learn, besides it's a bit lonely not having many people to talk with about it.
i guess a bit about me will help, umm..
im fat, not as fat as i once was, but even now our scales at home scream get off with an error message.
ive been zero activity with binge eating rubbish, to over the past year or so learning and enjoying a sensible balanced routine of food. i dont like to say diet because i choose to eat what i love, feels great and i know to be healthy long term. its not a fad diet for trying to lose weight as the primary goal has been to eat properly and if i should lose some weight then thats a nice bonus. over this time ive learned what works for me and ive pretty much shattered the urge to binge like a pig. unless you have experienced the psychological torment felt when you see someone leave some food on their plate, then you couldnt possibly understand and for that i envy you i really do.
i have made the decision all along to solve my poor eating first. i knew that if i wanted to i could go to the gym work out and have an excuse to eat tons of calories. i reckon thats cheating and doesnt help to address the main issue. now that i can safely control my eating i began to explore getting out of the house more. working from home, mental health issues and just piling on the weight meant that i honestly didnt believe i would ever recover from the damage done. that said i did add walking to the local shops and back, every morning to my routine.
control of food
morning walk to the shop
thats cool, and i know logically thats a huge deal for someone who was in my position, yet it wasnt enough.
towards the end of the covid lockdown when it was okay to meet with another family at the park, my dear friends and their daughter came down to visit me, we spent a beautiful day at the park. it was super sunny, boiling hot, and i had missed them so very much.
from that i learned a couple of things, the joy from being with people i love was incredible but that wasnt the most important aspect to the experience. i relearned something about nature, the outdoors, the feeling of being away from computers and my 4 walls at home. i became acutely aware of the importance of being a part of the human experience, literally, i had cut myself off so much over the years i had completely forgotten something so fundamental and important about life.
my list of experiences has expanded:
control of food
morning walk to the shop
appreciation of nature
its been weeks since i saw them and at first every day i packed up my laptop, couple of cans of pepsi max, then took a walk to the park where i sat down on the grass by myself in the shade; enjoying the brilliant weather and feeling pride in knowing that i made it properly outdoors for a change.
one random day i left my bag of stuff at home, not sure what i was expecting to achieve, but i took some water and my phone out with me and walked.
unfortunately it was difficult to figure out on the map how far i had gone, i think initially it was maybe 2 miles, give or take. i did a couple of more walks furthering the distance to maybe 3 miles before i realised that i could log my trip digitally with my phone.
since then ive walked 3.3miles, 3.5miles, sometimes 5miles then falling back down to just 3miles due to being sore and losing momentum, but 2 days ago i did walk 6.5 miles and when i got home boy was i sore! however that 6.5mile walk was the first time i healed rapidly with far less discomfort than any of the other walks. for example that evening i was pretty capable of walking up and down the stairs with barely any bother which is phenominal when you consider the other walking sessions took me 2 full days to recover and i was still not 100%.
for many many years i have secretly coveted the ability to participate in ultramarathons. ive watched many documentaries of runners participating in 100+mile runs and other documentaries of doing dozens of marathons one after another etc.etc.etc.. i knew i had no chance of doing it myself but i wished for it and hoped for it and really wanted to believe that maybe somehow someday thatll be me too. i told no one of this. it was like a guilty embarrassing secret. i couldnt barely believe it was something i was so passionately hoping for let alone anyone else believing i could do it. so i said nothing, until about a week ago, where i told those friends that visited my deepest hopes and desires regarding fitness.
so im a big fat morbidly obese man who is about 40 years old, who has up until recently lost any hope of regaining a degree of good health, now fully committed to walking 10 miles tomorrow morning and continuing to push towards a full marathon distance soon. i know i can do it, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind because i know that i have overcome so much already. im even starting to believe that in 2 or 3 years i will participate in my first 100miles ultra, walking of course!
if you wish me to edit in punctuation i can do so, i tend not to as a personal style choice though, yet happy to oblige.
